I Will Follow You Into The Dark
by Zeppleingirl08
Summary: What I would like to see with my favorite characters on SVU. :
1. Chapter 1

* * *

_Elliot Stabler was sitting at his desk going over the paperwork that his previous partner Josh had left for him when he left the Unit. He sighed and rubbed his eyes wishing that last few weeks hadn't been real. They had come across a hard case that hit the whole Unit hard, especially his partner. He cracked under the pressure and had decided it would be best for him to leave the Unit. He was supposed to meet his new partner today and he wasn't looking forward to it. He and Josh had good chemistry, they didn't bother each other but they understood the other's thinking. Now he had to break in a whole new partner and he just wasn't in the mood for it. His boss broke his trance for him when he slammed a pile of papers onto his desk._

_"Stabler." He snapped._

_Elliot looked up quickly. "Oh sorry Cap. What's up?"_

_"I want to introduce you to your new partner." He said._

_Elliot grumbled. "Oh…sure…yeah." He said standing up._

_"Elliot Stabler meet Olivia Benson." He said moving aside to show the beautiful woman standing beside him._

_"Hello." She said softly._

_Elliot's breath caught in his throat. "Uhh…hi."_

_She stuck out her hand for him. "It's nice to meet you."_

_He stared at her for a moment before he realized what she was trying to do. "Hi." He said shaking her hand._

_From that moment on, Elliot Stabler knew this was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But it would take her much longer to fall for him._

_

* * *

  
_

Elliot was standing on the back porch of the Manhattan home that he shared with his family. He had four children with his beautiful wife. Elizabeth Marie Stabler who was 11, Christian Elliot Stabler and Peter Michael Stabler who were 9 and last but not least Molly Katherine Stabler who was just three years old. She was their miracle baby. After the twins his wife was told that she wouldn't be able to have anymore kids. But his wife insisted that they try again. After two miscarriages, she delivered a beautiful baby girl without any problems.

While he was stuck in his trance he felt two small, yet strong hands on his chest slide in from behind. "You've been out here awhile baby."

Elliot shivered when eh felt his wife's lips on his neck. "Just thinking."

"About what?" She asked nuzzling his neck.

"You." He whispered.

He felt her smile against the back of his neck. "Well that's a good topic."

He chuckled. "I think so."

She slipped in front of him and held him close. "What exactly were thinking about?"

"Well…the first day I met you." He said leaning down to kiss her gently.

"You were in love with me then." She said kissing him again.

He laughed. "Olivia…I have loved you since that day and I will love you for the rest of my life."

She nodded. "I know." Olivia stared at Elliot and saw something else in his eyes. "El…what is it?"

"Tomorrow would be Jake's fifth birthday." Elliot said referring to the son they lost in one of Olivia's miscarriage.

Olivia sighed and rubbed his chest. "I know…"

"Do you think about him and Erin?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "Everyday."

"How different would our lives have been if they had lived?" He asked.

"Very different. We may not have Molly if we had had them…that's what I think sometimes. But then I think it's wrong that I'm glad we have them and not her…it's confusing." She said chocking up.

Elliot kissed her forehead. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't have brought that up."

Olivia shook her head. "I was thinking about it earlier Elliot, its fine."

"You shouldn't feel bad Liv…I have those same thoughts. It's a touchy subject…there is no easy answer." He said.

Olivia nodded. "Ok."

"I love you." He said kissing her softly.

"I love you too baby." She said nuzzling his nose and holding him close.

"Momma?" Said a small voice from the door.

Olivia looked over Elliot's shoulder and saw Molly holding onto the door frame. "Hey baby."

"Momma…sick…" She said rubbing her eyes.

Olivia and Elliot both turned to her and she waddled over to Olivia as she picked her up and held her close. "What's wrong honey?"

"Tummy…" She pouted.

Olivia felt her daughter's forehead. "Well you are a bit warm darling."

Molly rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "Hurts."

Elliot ruffled his daughter's curly brown hair. "Aww honey…you wanna sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed tonight?" He asked.

Molly nodded her head. "Ya."

Olivia kissed her face. "I'll go get you some medicine honey. Why don't you go lie down with Daddy?" She said as she handed her off to her husband.

"Ok Mommy." She said resting her head in her father's neck.

"Come on Moll Doll." He said using her nickname.

* * *

Olivia walked downstairs and went to get some medicine for Molly when she saw Lizzie sitting at the counter. "Hey hun. What are you doing down here? I thought I put you to bed? You have school in the morning."

"I know." Lizzie said.

"Everything alright?" Olivia asked as she reached for the medicine.

"We were talking in class today about different jobs." Lizzie said.

"Yeah." Olivia said sitting down next to her.

"And Mrs. Bradshaw was talking about cops and detectives and how dangerous their jobs are…" Lizzie said looking down.

Olivia nodded. "Oh…she did?"

Lizzie nodded. "I don't want you and Daddy to die."

Olivia sighed. "Oh honey…" She said wrapping an arm around her daughter. "You're father and I watch out for each other all the time. We're very good at what we do. We take care of each other. Nothing is going to happen."

"You don't know that for sure Mom." She said.

Olivia sighed. "You're right…but I don't want you worrying about things like that."

Lizzie looked at her Mom. "But what will we do if something happens to you guys?"

Olivia looked at her daughter. "I…well…if something happened to me you would live with Daddy and vise versa."

"But what if it was both of you?" She asked.

"Well…" Olivia rubbed her back. "You would live with Grandma B."

"Grandma B?" She asked.

"Yes." Olivia said.

"Hey Mom?" She asked.

"Yes honey?" She asked rubbing the back of her head.

"How come we never see your parents?" Lizzie asked.

"Well…I'm not that close with my Mom." She said.

"What about your Dad?" She asked.

"I never met him." Olivia said not wanting to get into that subject.

"Oh…" Lizzie looked down again. "Well what if something happens to Grandma B? Then what will happen to us?"

"Honey…I promise you have nothing to worry about. Nothing is going to happen." She said.

"Ok…" Lizzie stood up. "I should get to bed I guess."

"Your sister is sleeping in our room if you want to join." Olivia said.

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "Mom I'm too old for that."

Olivia smiled. "Alright. Well the door is always open."

Lizzie nodded. "I know. Night Mom."

"Night honey." She watched her walk away. "Hey Lizzie?"

"Yeah Mom?" She asked turning to look at her.

"I love you." She said sweetly.

Liz smiled. "I love you too Mom."

Olivia smiled and finished getting the medication for Molly. She climbed the stairs and heard her sons giggling even though she had put them to bed half an hour ago. She laughed and opened the door to find them reading a story on the top bunk that was Christian's. Peter looked up first and his face fell.

"Uh oh…" He said.

Olivia laughed. "Uh oh is right mister…" She said walking over to them. "You guys are supposed to be asleep."

Peter frowned. "Christian woke me up!"

"Shut up!" Christian said hitting his brother.

"Hey! Language and hitting…" Olivia said with s smirk.

Christian rolled his eyes. "Sorry Pete."

Olivia looked at what they were reading. "Spiderman comic huh?"

"It's the new one! Uncle Munch gave it to us when we were at the station today." He said.

Olivia nodded. "Well that was nice of him."

"Yeah it's really good." Peter said.

"Well do you think that you can wait to finish it tomorrow, after school?" She asked.

"But Mom…" They whined together.

"You know you guys hate getting up, and when you stay up late reading it takes me forever to get you up. And then you are late. You can't be late again tomorrow." Olivia said.

"Fine…" The said pouting.

Olivia smiled. "Good. Now…down you go Peter Michael." Olivia said.

Pete jumped off the bed and Olivia caught him and put him in bed. "Night Mom."

"Night kiddo." She said kissing his forehead. "Sleep tight."

"You too." He said rolling onto his stomach.

Olivia smiled and then looked up at Christian who was trying to read ahead. "Christian…" She said giggling.

Christian pouted. "Sorry."

She laughed and stood on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "It's ok. It'll still be here tomorrow. Night baby."

"Night Mom." He said hugging her.

Olivia walked back to the door. "Love you both."

"Love you Mom." They said together.

Olivia smiled and flicked the light off and shut the door before walking back to her bedroom. She opened the door a crack and saw Elliot holding Molly as he told her a story.

"And then Princess Olivia told Prince Elliot that she would love to spend the rest of her life with him." He said.

"And they mawwwy." She said.

Elliot smiled. "That's right they got married."

"King and Queen?" She asked.

"Yup. They became the King and Queen and they had two little Princes and two Princess." He said.

Molly smiled. "Princess Molly!"

"Princess Molly!" He repeated.

Olivia smiled and walked in. "Awww did I miss story time?"

Molly sat up and looked at her Mom. "Yeah. You gone long time."

Olivia ruffled her hair. "Sorry baby, I ran into your brothers and sisters."

"Everything ok?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah the boys were just reading a new comic book." She said.

Elliot nodded. "And Lizzie?"

"I'll tell you about it later." She said winking. "Right now little Molly needs to get some medicine in her."

"Icky…" She said scrunching up her nose.

"I know you don't like it baby but you need to take it to make you feel better." Olivia pleaded.

"Ok…" She said mimicking her mother's pout perfectly.

Elliot laughed. "Oh she is so your daughter."

Olivia laughed. "I know…I was in labor with her for fourteen hours."

Elliot smiled and kissed her cheek. "But it was worth it."

"Yes it was." Olivia said kissing Molly's head. "Ok…open up baby."

Molly hesitantly opened her mouth and allowed her mother to give her the children's medicine that she so hated. "Yuck." She said sticking out her tongue.

"It will make you feel better babe." Elliot said kissing her head.

Molly nodded. "Me seepy."

"Ok." Elliot said. "Let's get you to bed then."

Olivia walked over to her side of the bed and they settled in with Molly in between them. She kissed both of her parents and then snuggled into her father's arm and drifted peacefully off to sleep quickly.

Elliot smiled down at her. "This girl is going to be the death of me."

Olivia smiled. "That she is."

He looked up at his wife. "Sow hat was up with Lizzie?"

Olivia sighed. "I guess they were talking in class today about the dangers of being a police officer and she got scared. She's afraid something is going to happen to us."

Elliot frowned. "Figured that would happen eventually."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah. She was asking questions about what would happen if we both died."

Elliot closed his eyes. "She shouldn't be asking questions like that. She's just a kid."

Olivia nodded. "I know. But El…" She whispered.

He opened his eyes. "What?"

"I mean I know we have a plan…but we've never really talked about it." She said.

Elliot sighed. "Liv…"

"Elliot…it's important." She said.

He nodded. "I know but-"

Suddenly the door creaked open. "Mom?"

Olivia looked over Elliot and saw Lizzie standing in the door. "Hey Lizzie."

"Can I still take you up on that offer?" Lizzie asked.

Elliot looked at his wife. "What offer?"

"I said she could sleep with us if she wanted too." She said.

Elliot smiled. "Sounds good. Climb in kiddo." He said.

Lizzie ran up to her mother's side of the bed and lay down beside her. "Thanks."

"No problem baby." She said kissing her head.

Elliot leaned over. "We'll finish that conversation later." Elliot whispered in her ear.

Olivia smiled. "Thank you. Good night."

"Night." He said kissing her cheek. "Love you two." He said to his girls.

"Love you Dad." Lizzie said.

"Love you El." Olivia said patting his hand.

As they began to drift off to sleep together, Elliot felt content with his life. Even though he had thought about the children they had lost…he knew that he was lucky to have the ones he had been blessed with.

* * *

Around midnight in the boy's room, Christian woke up to a banging sound coming from somewhere outside. He sat up quickly and looked around wondering what it was. He was about to lie down again when he heard it again and then he jumped off the top bunk.

"Pete." Christian whispered.

"Mmmm…" Peter mumbled.

"Pete wake up." Christian said shaking his twin.

"Go away." Pete said pulling the blanket over his head.

"Peter…come on…didn't you hear that?" Christian asked.

"Hear what?" Pete said yawning as he pulled the blanket down.

"That banging noise." Christian said. "It sounded like it was coming from outside."

"I didn't hear anything Christian. Go back to sleep…" Peter said turning over.

"But Peter…what if someone is trying to break in?" Christian asked.

"No one is breaking in." Peter said pulling the blanket up again. "Go back to sleep."

Christian sighed and looked at the door; he looked at his brother before venturing out into the hallway. He looked down the stairs and saw that no one was up. He walked over to his parents room and peeked in seeing that his sisters were sleeping in their too. Sighing, he walked over to his Dad and tapped his shoulder.

"Dad…" Christian whispered.

"Mmmm…" Elliot groaned. "Huh?"

"Dad wake up." Christian said tapping him again.

Elliot opened his eyes slowly. "Christian? What's wrong?"

"Dad I heard a noise." Christian whispered.

Elliot rubbed his eyes and looked at the clock. "What kind of noise buddy?"

"A loud banging noise from outside." He said.

Elliot looked down and carefully unwrapped his arm from Molly as she snuggled into Olivia's back. "Buddy I'm sure it's just a tree in the wind or something…"

"But Dad…" Christian started, just then the banging got louder and Peter came running into the room.

"Dude I heard it that time!" Pete said.

"I told you!" Christian said.

Olivia woke up when she heard the commotion. "What's going on?" She asked.

"Someone is trying to break in." Peter said.

"Oh now you believe me." Christian said rolling his eyes.

"What?" Olivia asked as she sat up.

"Mom?" Lizzie asked.

"Its ok honey. Go back to sleep." Olivia said.

"You guys stay up here and your Mom and I will go check it out." Elliot said.

"Are you gonna bring your guns Dad?" Peter asked.

"Yes. That's why you guys need to stay up here and don't let anyone in unless it's your Mom and I, ok?" He asked.

"Mommy?" Molly mumbled half asleep.

Olivia kissed her head. "Go back to sleep munchkin."

"You're in charge Lizzie." Elliot said.

Lizzie nodded. "Ok…just…be careful…ok?" She asked nervously.

Elliot smiled. "We will kiddo. Always are."

The boys jumped on the bed to join their sisters and watched their parents grab their guns. The walked down the hallway making sure to shut the door tightly. Elliot and Olivia descended the stairs slowly and Olivia looked at her husband when she heard the noise again.

"What the hell is that?" She asked.

Elliot looked at her. "I don't know."

When they reached the front door they both looked out and didn't see anyone there. "No one is there." Olivia said.

"Not anymore at least." Elliot said as he opened the door and spotted something on the porch steps. "What's that?"

Olivia took a few steps towards the object and then picked it to find that it was a bottle of wine, an all too familiar bottle of wine. "Chardonnay…" She whispered.

"What the hell?" Elliot asked.

Olivia stared at the bottle and images of her childhood began to flash before her eyes.

* * *

_Olivia was walking home from school again because her mother had forgotten to pick her up for only the 100__th__ time. She walked up the stairs of her apartment complex and slowly opened her front door. When she walked in she saw her mother sprawled out on the couch with two empty bottles of chardonnay beside her. Olivia sighed and slowly and quietly shut the door behind her trying to make sure her mother wouldn't wake up. But just as she turned she tripped and dropped her books._

_"Mmmmm…" Serena whispered._

_Olivia shut her eyes tightly. "No…"_

_"Olivia?" Serena asked._

_Olivia turned to her mother slowly. "Hi Mom…"_

_"What time is it?" She slurred._

_"Three thirty." Olivia said._

_"Fuck." Serena said rubbing her head._

_"It's ok Mom. I got home alright. Why don't I start to make dinner?" She asked._

_Serena nodded. "Sure. I'm in the mood for Pasta tonight." She said collapsing back onto the couch._

_Olivia nodded. "Ok Mom."  
_

_Olivia watched her mother take another gulp of the wine and then her eyes shut slowly. Sighing, the twelve year old began to take out the pots and pans to begin cooking dinner for her mother just like every night. Forty minutes later, Olivia had dinner on the table and she helped her mother over to her seat._

_"Everything's set Mom." She said._

_"I can see that Olivia." She said with an attitude._

_Olivia looked down as her cheeks reddened. "Right."_

_"Olivia go get me some more wine in the cupboard." Serena said._

_"But Mom…don't you think you've had enough for today?" She asked._

_Serena looked up at Olivia. "What did you just say?"_

_Olivia felt her eyes begin to tear up. "I…I just…"_

_"Go. Get. Me. Some. Wine." Serena insisted._

_Olivia nodded. "Ok Mom…" _

_Serena smiled triumphantly. "That's a good girl…"_

_Olivia walked over to the cupboard beside the fridge and saw that there were no left. She slowly turned back to her Mom. "Um…Mom there isn't any left."_

_Serena's eyes began to turn red. "What?"_

_"I guess…I mean you…you drank it all." She said.  
_  
_"Well then go get me some more." Serena said quickly._

_"Mom…I'm only 12." She whispered._

_"I don't care!" Serena yelled._

_"Mom please…" Olivia whispered._

_"You either get me some more wine…or I'll have to teach you a lesson." Serena said standing up._

_"Mom…they won't sell it to me." She tried to plead with her._

"_Well then just meet some guy to buy it for you, give him a little taste…" Serena said winking._

_"Mom!" Olivia yelled._

_"Oh what?" Serena said rolling her eyes. "I was raped Olivia and you don't see me complaining about sex. For God sake's I am stuck with you now because of that stupid day."_

_Olivia looked down. "I know Mom…"_

_"Do you think I want you?" Serena asked walking towards her._

_"I know you don't Mom…I'm sorry…" Olivia whispered as the tears began to fall. _

"_Oh don't cry Olivia…it's so unattractive." Serena said rolling her eyes. "Not only do I see you're good for nothing father when I look at you but now I see that you're weak." _

"_I'm sorry." Olivia apologized again._

_"God you are so pathetic!" Serena screamed._

_"I…I don't know what to do Mom." Olivia said. "Nothing I say will make you happy."_

_Serena smirked. "Of course it won't. Because I hate you Olivia. You're a worthless human being. I like nothing about you…I wish you were dead."_

_Olivia tried to hold her tears in. "I…I just…I don't…"_

_"You…you what? Stop stuttering you stupid bitch!" Serena yelled._

_Olivia looked around the room afraid to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry."_

_Serena rolled her eyes. "If I hear you apologize again I swear…" Serena said grabbing the empty wide bottle beside the couch. _

"_Mom…no…please…" Olivia begged knowing what was coming next._

_Serena lifted the empty bottle. "You deserve this Olivia. Stand still…"_

_Serena lifted the bottle as Olivia quivered below her and brought it down quickly-_

_

* * *

  
_

"Olivia…" Elliot said shaking his wife. "Olivia…honey?"

Olivia snapped out of her daze. "I…I just…"

"What is it?" Elliot asked.

"Uh…I don't know…I just uh I don't know." She said with a watery smile.

"Tell me…" He whispered.

Olivia looked up at her husband and sighed. "This is what my Mother used to drink..."

Elliot nodded his head. "Oh…"

"I just…I guess it triggered some memories." She said. "Some very dad memories."

Elliot nodded. "I understand."

"Why would it be here?" She asked.

"I don't know…" Elliot said shrugging.

"You don't think…she came buy do you?" She asked.

Elliot sighed. "I'm not sure…"

"I mean…what would she want? I haven't seen her since we got married." She said.

"Twelve years." Elliot said.

"I don't want her around the children." She said.

"I wouldn't worry about it Olivia. I highly doubt it…she doesn't know where we live." He said.

Olivia nodded. "You're right."

"It was probably just some drunken fool walking by." He assured her.

Olivia nodded. "Right. You're right."

Elliot smiled. "Good. Now let's get back to bed."

Olivia smiled. "Ok."

He kissed her head. "Come on…"

Olivia took her husbands hand and they walked up back to their bedroom. They opened the door slowly.

"Who is it!?" Lizzie asked.

"It's Mom and Dad." Elliot said.

"Ok…" Lizzie whispered.

The door opened and Olivia and Elliot saw their four children cuddled on the bed together. "What was it Dad?" Christian asked.

"No one was out there buddy." Elliot said.

"I told you Christian." Peter said rolling his eyes.

Christian glared at his brother. "Whatever…you ran in here behind me."

Peter's face turned red. "I was just making sure you were ok."

"Whatever." Christian said rolling his eyes.

Elliot chuckled. "Well neither of you have anything to worry about. Nothing was out there."

"So now it's time go to back to bed." Olivia said.

"Uh…yeah…Christian…let's go." Peter said.

Christian looked at his brother. "Right…"

Olivia looked at her husband. "Or you guys could just stay in here with us." Elliot said chuckling.

Peter looked at Christian. "Well we might as well stay here since were here already."

"And if anything else happens, we can protect Lizzie and Molly." Peter said.

"Oh please…" Lizzie said rolling her eyes.

Olivia laughed. "Alright…it's late…it's time for us all to go to bed."

"How we fit?" Molly asked sleepily.

Elliot laughed. "We can do this."

Olivia walked over to her side and snuggled in beside Christian and Lizzie and Elliot had Peter on one side and Molly on the other.

"Good night." Elliot said.

It was tight but they were content. "Night." The kids and Olivia said together.

Olivia looked at her husband and he caught her eye for a moment knowing that she was still thinking about her mother and he whispered. _"I love you." _

"_I love you too." _She whispered back as she shut her eyes and fell asleep with her family all around her.

* * *

**So as you can see my story has no Kathy. Elliot and Olivia were married and had their own kids. If you like the story so far...review and I will update soon. Thanks. :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys here is the next chapter, let me know what you think :) **

* * *

The next morning, Elliot woke to his alarm and felt three tiny hands over his face. He laughed when he saw his son sprawled over his stomach with both hands on his dad's face and Molly's tiny hand over his nose. He turned and saw that Olivia was in quite a same position with their other two children.

"Time to wake up guys…" Elliot said.

"Mmmm…" Was the simultaneous groan of his family.

"You guys have to go to school and Mom and I need to go to work." Elliot said.

"Five more minutes." Christian groaned.

"Fraid not buddy." Elliot said. "Come on…"

Olivia yawned. "You're Dad's right. You guys can't be late again today."

They all groaned again. "Ok…" Lizzie said jumping up. "Come on guys…" she said pulling Christian and Peter with her.

"Thanks sweets." Olivia said.

"Mommy day care?" Molly asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. You need to go to daycare today."

Molly pouted. "Go to work you?"

"I don't think so." Olivia said kissing her head. "The station is no place for a little girl like you."

"Mommy is a girl." Molly said.

Olivia smiled. "That I am. Maybe when you're older Molly."

Molly nodded. "Ok Mommy."

Molly turned to her Dad. "Morn Daddy."

"Morning Moll Doll." He said kissing her cheek. "Sleep well?"

She nodded. "Uh huh…"

He smiled. "Good. Why don't you go play until we come and get you ready babe."

Molly nodded. "Ok Daddy…" She said jumping down from the bed and began to run to her room.

Elliot reached his wife just before she was about to get out of bed. "Liv…"

She looked back at him slowly. "Hm? What?"

"You ok?" He asked.

She looked away from him. "Yes. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Livvie…" He whispered kissing her neck. "You can't hide the truth from me."

Olivia smiled. "Elliot…I'm fine. Really…"

He sighed. "Liv…today would have been Jake's birthday…and last night with the chardonnay…I know how it must make you feel."

Olivia turned to her husband and held his face in her hands. "Honestly baby…I'm fine. Don't worry." She said kissing him gently. "Now let's get ready for work. "

"Liv…" Elliot whispered.

"Elliot please…just drop it. Ok?" She asked looking at him tiredly.

Elliot knew that look to well. It mean if you push me any further we won't be talking for a week. So he just nodded his head. "Right…ok. Sorry."

She nodded thankfully. "It's ok. Now…I don't want to be late. So hurry up." She said as she walked towards the bathroom to take a shower.

Elliot sat for a moment and just wished that he could find a way to fully get through to his wife one of these days. "Yeah…I'm coming…"

* * *

At the station it was a fairly quiet day. Olivia was sitting with her partner Finn filling out some paperwork from the case they had solved from the day before. Munch and Elliot who were now partners were going through some files on a low profile case. Munch could tell that Elliot was upset about something.

"Having trouble with Liv?" He asked.

Elliot looked up at Munch. "What?"

"You seem tense about something today. Are you having marital problems?" He asked.

Elliot sighed. "No. We're fine. And no offense Munch…but if Liv and I were having problems I don't know if I would go to you for advice. You don't' have the greatest tack record when it comes to marriages."

"This is true." Munch said nodding his head. "But I know you and Liv pretty well."

Elliot nodded. "Yeah so?"

"I can just tell that something is eating at you." He said.

Elliot sighed. "Today is just a hard day ok?"

Munch stared at him for a moment. "Why?"

Elliot dropped his papers and stared at his partner. "Because today would have been Jake's fifth birthday."

Munch's face fell when he realized his mistake for pushing Elliot. "Oh…Elliot…I'm sorry…I totally forgot. I just-"

"Yeah its fine. I don't want to talk about it ok?" He asked.

Munch nodded. "Ok…"

Cragen came out of his office. "You done with those files?" He asked.

"No. No we're not done! Can't everyone just get the fuck off my back today? Jesus." He said as he dropped all the files and they got mixed up.

"I don't like your tone with me Detective." Cragen said.

Olivia and Finn looked up from their work. "Yeah well I need some air."

"Detective-" Cragen warned.

"I said I need some air!" Elliot yelled as he made his way towards the door to the roof.

"What's going on with your partner John?" Cragen asked.

"I kind of pushed him a little to far about something." He said.

Olivia stood up and walked over to them with Finn hot on her heels. "What do you mean John? What happened?"

"He seemed upset so I asked him if something was going on with you two and he said no. So then I kept pressing the matter and he mentioned that today would have been Jackie's fifth birthday…" John whispered. "Then he got upset…"

Olivia sighed. "He's been stuck on that…"

"I feel terrible." Munch said shaking his head.

Olivia shook her head. "It's ok John. You wouldn't have remembered…" She turned to Cragen. "Cap do you mind if I go and talk to him?"

"No. Take all the time you need." Cragen said patting her back.

"Thanks Cap." She said making her way up to the roof, she looked around for a few moments until she spotted Elliot leaning up against the side looking out at the New York Skyline. "Well you'll be happy to know that Cragen isn't going to kick your ass for yelling at him."

Elliot turned quickly when he heard her voice. "Liv what are you doing up here?"

"I came to check on you." She said walking over to him.

"You don't have to do that Olivia. I'm a big boy." He said bitterly.

Olivia jumped at his snickering tone. "I know that Elliot…but you're my husband…"

"You won't talk to me when you're upset so why should I talk to you when I'm upset?" He asked still not looking at her.

Olivia held onto the side of the roof for support, she hadn't expected him to snap at her like this. "Elliot I-"

"I have done everything I could to try and help you move past all your demons Olivia but you won't lean on me. You still won't let me in after all these years. Do you know how much that hurts me?" He asked looking at her slightly, his eyes beginning to water.

"Elliot I'm fine. I don't know what you're talking about." She said staring up at him, searching for answers that she could always see.

Elliot laughed sadly. "No. You're not fine Olivia. You pretend to be strong so you don't have to face your past. But anyone who meets you can tell within ten minutes that there are dark secrets that have bottled up inside of you." He said.

"I'm sure there are things that you haven't told me about your past Elliot. Where is all of this coming from?" She asked sadly.

"Last night…with the bottle of chardonnay…I could tell there was more to the story. And then when I asked you to talk to me this morning you wouldn't." He said. "Why not?"

Olivia looked down. 'You know I don't like talking about my Mother Elliot."

"It's me Olivia. It's just me. Your husband…" He whispered. "Why can't you let me in to that side of you?"

"Because it's not something I enjoy talking about Elliot." She said looking at up with sad eyes. "It's not a real conversation starter."

Elliot shook his head. "I know that. But it just feels like after all these years I'm still a stranger to you."

That one hurt the most. "Elliot…why are you saying all of this?"

"Do you remember what happened after you lost Jake?" He asked.

Olivia looked down. "Please don't do this now Elliot…"

"No. Do you remember Olivia?" He asked.

She swallowed hard. "Yes…"

"So then you remember how you completely shut me out? You remember how you stayed in bed for three months without talking to me or your children?" He asked.

"Elliot…I was upset. I didn't know how to deal with it!" She yelled.

"Do you think it was a joy fest for me either Olivia? That was the second baby we had lost. It killed me too." He said.

Olivia shut her eyes. "I know that."

"Then why did you do that to me? To this day we've yet to talk about it. You just woke up one morning and said that you were ready to go back to work and that was it. Nothing…we never talked about it again. Why?" He asked angrily.

"Because I didn't want to talk about it!" She screamed.

"You can't go through life without talking about things like that Olivia. You just can't." He said.

"If it bothered you so much why didn't you bring it up then? Why bring it up all these years later when we are happy?" She asked.

"Because I knew you would get upset. I live my life to try and make you happy Olivia. There are times when I have to walk around on egg shells to keep from saying something that might upset you." He said. 'I can't do that anymore."

Olivia looked down. "I thought it was my fault…" She whispered.

Elliot stared at her for a moment unsure if he had heard her correctly. "What?

"I thought it was my fault that I lost Erinn and Jake…" She whispered.

Elliot shook his head. "Olivia what are you talking about?"

"I thought that I did something wrong. I tried to follow all of the doctors instructions but it obviously wasn't good enough and I knew how much you wanted another baby and I felt so helpless. I felt like I couldn't' give you what you wanted and I was so ashamed. And it just hurt so much…physically yes…but emotionally…it wrecked me Elliot. It broke my heart and I didn't know how to deal with it. I grew up being told it wasn't ok to show your emotions and I just shut down after that. I know it was wrong…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I just…I can't…I didn't…" She started to sob.

"Olivia…" Elliot said feeling like crap now. "Shhhh…come here." He said pulling her close. "Shhhh…it's aright. I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said any of that."

"No. You should have. You're right…I don't tell you how I feel. That's wrong. You're my husband…my partner in life…the father of my children…it's wrong that I shut you out like that." She whispered into his chest. "I'm so sorry…"

He held her tighter. "It's ok. I just…I let this day get to me. I just wish that they were here and I got upset. I'm sorry…I love you. It's going to be ok…"

Olivia held onto him as tight as she possibly could. "I love you too…"

He kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh…I'm sorry."

"I love you so much Elliot." She said into the crook of his neck."

"I know baby. I know…I'm sorry. Shhhhh." He whispered.

"Elliot I-" She was about to say when her phone began to ring. "Shit…"

"Don't answer it." He said.

Olivia looked at the caller ID as she pulled away from Elliot. "It's Molly's day care…" She whispered. "Hello?"

"Hi Mrs. Stabler this is Cassie Malloy." She said.

"Oh hi Cassie. Is everything ok?" Olivia asked.

"I'm afraid that Molly isn't feeling to well. She just threw up everywhere. " She said.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh…the poor thing. She wasn't feeling well last night but she looked better today. I uh…I'll come and pick her up."

"What's wrong?" Elliot mouthed.

Olivia put one hand finger up. "I'll be there ass soon as I can. Thank you for calling me."

When Olivia hung up Elliot looked at her. "What's wrong with Molly?"

"She threw up." Olivia said. "I have to go pick her up."

Elliot sighed. "Ok…"

She started to walk away but he grabbed her arm. "What?"

She turned and looked at him. "Liv…"

She stared at him. "What?"

"We'll finish this conversation later?" He asked.

Olivia swallowed. "Sure…"

He nodded. "I'm sorry."

She nodded. "I know…"

"You know I love you right?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. I love you too."

He smiled and kissed her gently. "Tell Cap I'll be down in a minute?"

She nodded. "I will." She kissed him again and then began to walk away.

Olivia wiped away her tears and walked into the precinct. "Olivia are you ok?" Finn asked.

"We got into an argument but its ok. We figured it out." She said smiling softly.

"You sure?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes." She turned to Cap. "Captain, Elliot will be down in a moment. And Molly's day care juts called…she's sick and I need to go pick her up. Is that ok?"

He nodded. "Sure. You've had a rough day. I'll send Elliot home soon too."

She nodded in appreciation. "Thank you."

Olivia grabbed her coat and she was heading out when Finn grabbed her arm. "Call me if you need anything baby girl." He said.

Olivia nodded. "I will. Thanks Finn." She said kissing his cheek.

"Get some rest girl. I'll see you tomorrow." He said as she just smiled and walked away.

Olivia drove to Molly's daycare and walked in to see Molly crying at the table as Cassie sat with her. Olivia walked over to them and picked her up.

"Hey baby." Olivia said rocking her back and forth.

"Threw up." She said hiccupping.

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry I thought you were feeling better today. I'm going to take you to the doctor now." Olivia said rubbing her back.

"Hurts Momma." She cried.

Olivia held her daughter close. "I know honey. Don't worry, Mommy is here now ok? I'll take care of you."

"I'm sorry to have bothered you at work." Cassie said.

Olivia shook her head. "Don't worry about. I'm glad you called. Thanks for watching her until I got here."

"No problem. Just let me know how she is ok?" She asked.

Olivia nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Olivia walked out and took Molly to the doctor to find out what was wrong.

Meanwhile at the precinct, Elliot finally returned to his desk with a weary John. Cragen walked away from Finn's desk and over to Elliot.

"Elliot-" Cragen began.

"Look I'm sorry Cap. I shouldn't have snapped like that…I'm sorry." Elliot said.

Cragen nodded. "It's ok Elliot. I understand. And in fact…if you want to head home you are more than welcome too."

"But I haven't finished my paperwork." Elliot said.

Munch stood up. "I can finish it Elliot."

Elliot turned to Cragen. "Sir?"

"Elliot…family comes first." He said.

Elliot smiled. "Thanks."

Just as Elliot was at the door Munch caught up to him. "Hey wait up Elliot."

Elliot turned to his partner. "What's up John?"

"I want to apologize." He said sincerely.

Elliot shook his head. "John don't mention it…its ok. How were you supposed to know?"

Munch sighed. "You and Liv are two of my best friends. I care about you guys and I hate to see you hurting like that. I shouldn't have pushed you."

Elliot smiled. "It's really alright Munch. Liv and I are strong…we will get through this. And I appreciate your concern, I shouldn't have jumped at you like that. I was just upset."

Munch smiled. "I'm glad we cleared that up. Take care of Liv man."

Elliot nodded. "I will. Thanks for helping out John."

Munch nodded. "Anytime."

* * *

Meanwhile at the doctor, he told Olivia that she Molly had the stomach flu and he had prescribed her with the proper medicine. She was walking out of the office with Molly in her arms when she bumped into Elliot's priest Father Michael.

"Mrs. Stabler." He said smiling.

Olivia smiled back. "Father Michael. How are you?"

"Oh I'm just fine dear, I hope this little one isn't sick…" He said referring to the sleeping child in her arms.

Olivia smiled. "She has the stomach flu, but we are on our way to go get her some medicine to fix her up."

He smiled. "Well I hope she feels better."

Olivia nodded. "Thank you father. I'm uh…I'm actually glad I ran into you."

"Oh yeah? What can I do for you my dear?" He asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about something." She said looking down.

"Well sure Olivia, what is it?" He asked.

"Hold on." Olivia said smiling as she put Molly down in her car seat while she slept. "Well…I mean I do come to church with Elliot…but I'm sure you know that I'm not actually…Catholic."

Father Michael nodded. "Elliot has told me a bit about your past. You're mother wasn't exactly a religious woman."

Olivia smirked. "No. Not really…"

"But that doesn't make you any less welcome in our parish Olivia. You are a wonderful woman that has done so much for this city. You and Elliot are a fine couple with four beautiful children. You are always welcome at St. John's." He said honestly.

Olivia smiled. "Well thank you Father…but that's not really what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Well then what is it?" He asked.

"I'm not sure if you would remember…but today would have been Jack's fifth birthday…" She whispered.

"Oh yes…Jack…" He whispered.

"Yes…and…I lost two babies father. And I can't help but think that I did something wrong. I know that Elliot has always told me that God does everything for a reason but I don't understand why he would have taken my two children from me?" She asked.

"God does work in mysterious ways Olivia." He said.

Olivia nodded. "That's what Elliot says. I don't want you to think any less of me because it is hard for me to understand your religion when growing up…God didn't exist for me. I never believed in God because of the things that had happened to me. But I can't help but think that because I didn't believe in him that's why God would take my children."

Father Michael sighed. "Olivia…God loves all living things on Earth. He would never punish you for what you grew up with during your childhood." He said.

"So was it something I did wrong?" She asked.

Father Michael looked at her for a moment. "One of the hardest things a parent will go through in life is losing a child Olivia. And you of all people know that not only because of what happened to you not once…but twice…but also because of your line of work. I can't imagine what you have gone through in your life and I know that losing your two children was very hard for you and Elliot. But you did not do anything wrong Olivia."

Olivia nodded. "I hope you're right."

"It's hard to move on from things like that…but you have four beautiful children Olivia and a husband who loves you. Know that Erinn and Jack love you and will meet you in Heaven. They wouldn't want you dwelling on this, they would want you to live your life with your family." He said.

"Will I be able to go to Heaven?" She asked.

Father Michael smiled. "The Bible tells me that you have to be baptized to go to Heaven Olivia…but I don't think God could deny a woman like you who has done so much good in this world."

Olivia smiled as the tears welled up. "Thank you Father."

"You're welcome Olivia. Now…go home…be with your family. I hope to see you in mass on Sunday?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "We'll be there."

"Good. Say hello to the family for me. And have a wonderful night." He said winking at her.

Olivia watched him walk away and felt a sense of release within her heart. She took a deep breath and then got back in the car and drove off to the Pharmacy. After she picked up Molly's prescription she drove back to their house. When she pulled up out front she saw Elliot's car in the driveway and she smiled. Carefully picking up the sleeping little girl in her arms she walked into the house and saw Elliot beginning to make some lunch. He smiled at her and she pointed to the sleeping girl in her arms. He nodded and watched as she walked upstairs to put Molly to bed. When she came back downstairs she took Molly's medicine out and put it on the table. Elliot walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Hey baby." He whispered.

She held him tightly and breathed him in. "Hi."

"Is everything ok?" He asked.

Olivia nodded. "She has the stomach flu."

Elliot frowned. "Poor thing."

Olivia nodded. "The doctor said to give the medicine to her tonight so I'll do it when she wakes up."

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Ok."

"What are you doing home?" She asked as she snuggled into him.

"Cragen let me go home early." He said kissing the side of her face repeatedly.

Olivia sighed gently. "I'm glad he did. I need you."

He rubbed her back gently. "I need you too baby."

"I'm not that hungry…can we just go up to bed for awhile? Just hold me?" She whispered.

Elliot nodded. "I can't think of anything more I would like to do."

Olivia smiled. "Good."

"Go upstairs and I'll clean up." He said.

Olivia smiled and kissed him gently before walking up to their bedroom. A few minutes later, Elliot slid in beside her and held her firmly in his arms. Olivia kissed the nape of his neck gently and he shivered.

"You smell good." She said giggling.

Elliot laughed. "Thank you."

She sighed. "I ran into Father Michael outside the Doctor's office."

Elliot was quiet for a moment. "You did?"

She snuggled further into him. "I did."

"What did he say?" He asked.

"I talked to him about Jack and Erinn…" She whispered nervously.

Elliot pushed back from her slightly. "You did?"

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "Are you mad at me?"

He shook his head. "No. Of course not."

"I just wanted to know if he could give me an answer as to why we lost them." She said.

Elliot sighed. "Only God knows the answer to that baby."

"Does it bother you that I'm not all that religious?" She asked.

"No. I understand why you don't believe as strongly as I do. And I respect that you have never tried to change me and that you have allowed me to share me beliefs with my our children." He said.

"I think it's great that you believe in God Elliot. I guess it's just hard for me to believe as strong as you with everything I've been through." She said.

Elliot nodded. "I understand that."

"But you've shown me a whole new side of your religion. I do believe there is a God…I just have a hard time with it all sometimes." She whispered.

He kissed her nose. "It's ok Olivia."

"I just don't understand why he would take them from us…" She said tearing up again.

"I don't know baby. I wish I could answer that for you, for us." He said holding her tightly.

"God I'm sorry…I'm such a mess these days." She said.

"What's going on in that head of yours Olivia?" He asked rubbing her temples with his thumbs.

"I never told you that I went to see my Mom when I was pregnant with Lizzie." She said.

Elliot stopped moving his fingers. "No…you didn't."

Olivia sighed. "I should have…"

"I thought you hadn't seen her since the night we told her we were getting married? When you got into that fight?" He asked.

Olivia sighed and rolled onto her back. "No matter how old I get Elliot I can't help but want that mother daughter relationship with my mother. And so when I found out I was pregnant I couldn't not share it with her…"

Elliot rested his head on his hand and propped himself up with his elbow. "I understand that…" He pushed a stray hair out of her face. "What did she say?"

Olivia closed her eyes and began to share the story with him…

* * *

_Olivia was six months pregnant as she waddled into the elevator to her old home. It had been a year and a half since she had spoken to her mother. And the last words her mother had said to her was: "He'll leave you…you'll end up alone Olivia. You're just like me…"_

_Olivia shivered thinking of that day, she had told Elliot she never wanted to see her Mother again that day and yet here she was. Sighing, she stepped out of the Elevator and walked onto the sixth floor and walked up to apartment 12D. She slowly lifted her hand and knocked gently. A few moments later the door opened and a disheveled woman stood before her._

"_Olivia?" She croaked._

_"Hi Mom…" Olivia whispered._

_Serena grimaced. "Well I can't say I ever thought I'd see you again.."_

_Olivia looked down. "Things ended pretty badly last time we spoke."_

_"Look at you…knocked up?" Serena asked._

_"Mom…can I come in?" She asked._

_Serena sighed. "I suppose so…"_

_Moving aside, Serena let Olivia into the apartment. It looked worse than it did the last time she had been there. There were empty bottles and cans everywhere. It smelled terrible and there were dirty cigarette butts lying everywhere._

_"I wasn't expecting visitors." Serena said coughing as she sat down on the couch._

_Olivia nodded. "It's fine Mom."_

_"So let me guess…you got knocked up and Elliot left you and now you need a place to crash?" She asked._

_Olivia looked down at her wedding ring. "No. Elliot didn't leave me…"_

_"Then why are you here? And are you pregnant or did you just gain a lot of weight?" She asked snickering._

_"I'm pregnant." Olivia assured her. "Six months."_

_Serena lit a cigarette. "Huh…"_

_"Mom…could you…not do that? It's not good for the baby…" Olivia whispered. _

_Serena stared at her for a moment. "Are you serious?"_

_"Please…" Olivia whispered._

_Serena coughed and put out the cigarette. "Fine." She looked up at Olivia. "What can I do for you?"_

_"I uh…I know things ended badly with us but I couldn't imagine not telling you that I was pregnant. That you were going to be a grandmother…" Olivia said smiling._

_Serena laughed. "Did you think I would care?"_

_Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. "Well I was hoping you would be happy for me."_

_Serena smiled. "You were always optimistic. Always thought that someday I would magically begin to care about you."_

_Olivia closed her eyes tightly for a moment. "Mom I understand that you were raped…but I just…don't you care about me at all?"_

_Serena stood up and walked over to her. "Do you really want the truth?"_

_Olivia nodded slowly. "Yes."_

_Serena put a hand on Olivia's stomach. "No."_

_Olivia felt her eyes begin to tear up. "You can't mean that…"_

_"Olivia…you're a detective. You deal with rape victims everyday…do you think any of those women care about any of the children they may have been burdened with?" She asked._

_Olivia sighed. "I know what you went through was hard but I-"_

_"Oh don't give me the detective crap Olivia." Serena said backing up. "I'm sorry if it bothers you so much but I never wanted you. But back then I couldn't have an abortion because it wasn't an option."_

_"Then if you didn't want me…why didn't you give me up for adoption?" She asked._

_"Why would I burden someone else with a little bitch like you?" Serena asked._

_Olivia sighed. "Look Mom…I didn't come here to fight with you. I just don't understand why you can hate me so much. I can never say that what you've been through was an easy thing but I did everything I could to make you happy."_

_Serena shrugged. "Whatever."_

_"I'm sorry you hate me so much, I wish I could change that. But I wanted you to know that I was having a baby. I wanted you to know that I am so happy…that Elliot is a wonderful husband and that we are w family. I wish you could have been at the wedding but you made it perfectly clear how you felt about him. I hope you have a good life Mom…Goodbye. I won't bother you again…" Olivia said walking out the door without ever turning back._

_

* * *

  
_

Elliot was rubbing her stomach gently. "I'm sorry baby…I wish you had told me about that. You shouldn't have had to go through that alone."

"I was going to tell you but when I got home that night you had this beautiful candle lit dinner and I fell in love with you all over again. The minute I stepped into your arms I knew that I was going to be ok and I just didn't want to talk about it." She said looking over at him.

Elliot smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. "My goal every morning is to make you smile Olivia. I hate going to bed fighting with you or seeing you sad…you are the love of my life Olivia. I will be by your side forever. Whatever you need, you lean on me…no matter what it is. Ok?"

Olivia smiled and rolled onto her side to kiss him passionately. "I love you Elliot Stabler. Thank you for being you."

Elliot smiled and kissed her back. "Thank you for being you too."

"We're going to get through this…" She whispered.

"We can get through anything Liv. Our love is strong." He assured her.

She smiled. "I know."

He kissed her head gently. "Let's take a nap baby…I just need to hold you."

Olivia snuggled into her husband and told herself that everything was going to be ok.

* * *

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